I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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