do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
