Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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