wanna go halves on a baby?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
