I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
