Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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