I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
