so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
