Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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