I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
