drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
is wine microwaveable?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
