Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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