i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
