I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
