i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
