Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
