Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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