Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
