i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
