Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
