Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
