clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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