my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
