he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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