Plan B is the new Plan A
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
