I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The best revenge is premature balding
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
