Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
