you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I will be naked everywhere
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
