it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
