when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
