well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
