I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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