Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
