apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
