Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
