i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
