I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
