Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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