I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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