ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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