we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
