birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
