nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
