he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
