He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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