I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
