I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
