Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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