My nipple is on Facebook.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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