i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
