Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
