are you still at the devil's house?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
