The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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