Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
