i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
