Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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