Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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