Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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