Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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